Why Only Glenn Nye Can Win

A "smart Republican" sent me the following e-mail with the following facts showing that Glenn Nye is the only Democrat that can win:

Dear Draft Nye,

You don't know me, but I'm a smart Republican so you should listen to my advice. These are some facts that I made up to prove scientifically, empirically, spiritually, ecumenically, and grammatically that Glenn Nye is the only Democrat that can win the Senate seat for your donkeys in 2012.

1- It is a fact that no one from the rural parts of Western Virginia can win statewide. Except for those old guys who used to all the time.

2- It is a fact that a black person cannot win statewide. Except for Obama. And Doug Wilder, multiple times.

3- It is a fact that a Democrat from Northern Virginia is too liberal to win statewide. Except for Don Beyer back when he won and before he lost. And almost Leslie Byrne. And somehow Obama wasn't too liberal to win.

Combine that and you need someone from one of the major metropolitan areas, but not Northern Virginia, who is white. Glenn Nye is all of those things! He is perfect under this imaginary test that I invented to slim down the candidates to the one I already wanted to support.

I know you're worried about Tom Perriello. But don't forget about rule number 1. Charlottesville is a backwoods part of the state that people from Northern Virginia who send their kids to UVA could never relate to.* Tom Perriello's Ivy League background makes him too much of a country hick to appeal to Northern Virginia. Did you know he drives a pick up truck? What a loser. We're not Massachusetts, Virginia is way too high brow and elitist to ever vote for someone with a pick up truck.

Your Friend,

A Very Smart Republican.

*Except if you're Chuck Todd. In that case you think Charlottesville is part of Northern Virginia.

So there you have it folks. A bunch of made up and meaningless facts showing that only Glenn Nye can win.

Have more ideas on why only Glenn Nye can win? E-mail me at DraftNye@gmail.com!

In These Uncertain Times . . .

Virginia needs uncertain leadership!

That's why we need Congressman Glenn Nye to represent us.

We're different. We're liberal, we're conservative, we're rich, we're poor, we're straight, we're gay. That's why Glenn Nye should represent us. Because he can be anything to anyone.

Are you straight? So is Glenn Nye.

Are you gay? Look at how attractive he is. And unmarried. :wink:

Are you liberal? Glenn Nye was elected to Congress on a progressive platform supporting clean energy and comprehensive health care reform.

Are you a conservative? Glenn Nye stood up in Congress against Nancy Pelosi, Barack Obama, and Harry Reid to oppose their "progressive" (AKA SOCIALIST!) agenda of clean energy and comprehensive health care reform.

Are you rich? Glenn Nye wants your money. As a member of Congress, Glenn took hundreds of thousands of dollars from big corporations and wealthy fat cats just like you.

Are you poor? Glenn Nye wants your vote. Because in a democracy every vote counts and he needs a majority to win. And he'll do anything to get it! Let us know how Glenn Nye can best pander to you.

Welcome to Draft Glenn Nye. Because we need Glenn Nye to be the next Democrat* to represent Virginia** in the United States Senate***.

*Draft Glenn Nye reserves the right to instead run Glenn Nye as a Republican, Green, Libertarian, Mugwump, Whig, Federalist, Populist, or any other political party with a ballot line in the election.

**Draft Glenn Nye reserves the right to instead run Glenn Nye in Arizona, North Dakota, Nebraska, Massachusetts, or any other state where he has a chance of winning.

***Draft Glenn Nye reserves the right to instead run Glenn Nye for Governor of Virginia in 2013, President of the United States in 2012, 2016, or any other future election, Vice President in the same, or any office that he is eligible to run for.