Why Only Glenn Nye Can Win

A "smart Republican" sent me the following e-mail with the following facts showing that Glenn Nye is the only Democrat that can win:

Dear Draft Nye,

You don't know me, but I'm a smart Republican so you should listen to my advice. These are some facts that I made up to prove scientifically, empirically, spiritually, ecumenically, and grammatically that Glenn Nye is the only Democrat that can win the Senate seat for your donkeys in 2012.

1- It is a fact that no one from the rural parts of Western Virginia can win statewide. Except for those old guys who used to all the time.

2- It is a fact that a black person cannot win statewide. Except for Obama. And Doug Wilder, multiple times.

3- It is a fact that a Democrat from Northern Virginia is too liberal to win statewide. Except for Don Beyer back when he won and before he lost. And almost Leslie Byrne. And somehow Obama wasn't too liberal to win.

Combine that and you need someone from one of the major metropolitan areas, but not Northern Virginia, who is white. Glenn Nye is all of those things! He is perfect under this imaginary test that I invented to slim down the candidates to the one I already wanted to support.

I know you're worried about Tom Perriello. But don't forget about rule number 1. Charlottesville is a backwoods part of the state that people from Northern Virginia who send their kids to UVA could never relate to.* Tom Perriello's Ivy League background makes him too much of a country hick to appeal to Northern Virginia. Did you know he drives a pick up truck? What a loser. We're not Massachusetts, Virginia is way too high brow and elitist to ever vote for someone with a pick up truck.

Your Friend,

A Very Smart Republican.

*Except if you're Chuck Todd. In that case you think Charlottesville is part of Northern Virginia.

So there you have it folks. A bunch of made up and meaningless facts showing that only Glenn Nye can win.

Have more ideas on why only Glenn Nye can win? E-mail me at DraftNye@gmail.com!